So once upon a time i lived in a city that was in need of a hero but there was none to be found. A city where the sound of people, gunshots, homeless beggars and colored folk trying to sell drugs to every passerby were normal. This troubled city was Minneapolis. I lived there or really just mooched off my friend and her then boyfriend. Good times were had...sorta. Depending if you find grown men crying funny like myself. haha, yes. Well anyways, there I was, on a quest of great importance: to find a job. It was the november of 2005 and I must've applied for at least 20 jobs in a month. The days went by and still no call backs. Then one day, Beckie and I were walking to the mall when we noticed a "Now Hiring" sign in a window. . .

The church of scientology, we so went all up in that business and applied. They were very eager to hire employees or really just people to brainwash I'm sure. These people were pretty friendly. They somewhat explained the religion to us and asked us if we were believers...uhhh haha. Of course, like all religion nuts, they tried to convince us of their beliefs and point out the "wrongs" in what we believed. They had us take personality tests. Naturally, at the time, Beckie scored better than I. Afterwards we scheduled interviews eventhough it seemed, from the moment we walked in the door, they were interviewing us. So for my interview the lady brought me upstairs to some office in a corner. She asked me if I was wearing anything tight and to loosen it up if i was. She had me pull down my socks and said i could undo my pants if they applied pressure to my stomach...oh kay... She then told me to grab her jugs and proceeded to pull out some metal cylinders. I had to test them to see which ones my hands fit around the best. She then plugged them into a meter and began to ask me questions like: What stresses you the most? Do you sometimes feel your body or skin twitching? (These are muscle spasms but they 'believe' the twitching means your ancestor had one of the original alien souls) Have you ever wanted something but never told anyone? Have you ever lied? Have you ever made yourself sick? Have you ever practiced sodomy? What has somebody told you not to tell? I thought this was all pretty silly. That wasn't even half of the "interview". We stopped because i wasn't completely comfortable according to this lady. I hadn't eaten breakfast (i never do) and i slept only a couple hours due to an all night mmmorpg session. That's an online game to you non-geeks.

So she told me to call and reschedule for when I knew i'd be "comfortable". I never called back when i was told of their varied commission based pay. That didn't stop our parents from being upset about this little venture though. Beckie's mom and both my parents were very bothered about us even setting foot in this "church". They freaked out claiming that we would be brainwashed and we'd lose who we really were. My parents usually, almost never, bother me on what I do. Whereas Beckie's parents, to put it nicely, are very "involved" in their children's lives. But aside from that, scientology is just down right silly but I suppose most religion is if you really look at it for what it is. Scientology is just the easiest to make fun of because it's fckin' ridiculous. It should just be called The Church of Tom Cruise because he's the one pulling the damn strings and being a control freak. So go apply at your local church of scientology and then watch the South Park episode Trapped in the Closet. I assure you, that episode is even funnier when you've had a 1st hand account. Throughout the episode it says at the bottom of the screen "This is what scientologists actually believe." Matt and Trey so weren't lying when they made that episode. They did their homework and I thank them for that!